Unfortunately we here at the New York University Press are (and I choose my words carefully) totally uninterested in your creative work. It has, however, come to our attention that a series of Christmas fund raising letters has been circulated by collectors over the past 5 years (one recently went for $892.45 at Sotheby’s) and as our Performance Study Dept here at NYU has just inaugurated a course entitled a Theater of Futility, we wish to use your mass fundraising letters as our core text.  We are prepared to offer you a generous advance against royalties of  $4.17 to be paid out over a period of 3 years, which after deductions comes to .16 per year.  It has been pointed out to us by people knowledgeable in the field that, as Studies in Futility, these are classic.  They point out that you, as a fundraiser, must first believe in money. Clearly you don’t give a hoot about money or you wouldn’t be so stupid about it as to run a theater for 35 years in the red.  Maybe you feel that being poor makes people love you.  Listen man - vows of poverty went out the ways of chastity.  Dig it man -  $0.16 a year for three years -- take it or leave it.  Enclosed is a contract for you to sign (in blood preferably.)

Yours truly,
University Press
 
P.S.  Sharon - enclosed is a letter I received from the New York University Press.  Frankly I don’t think we should accept the offer.  Why don’t we ask Terry to crank up that second hand desktop publishing program he got donated from TheaterEquipment.org, And why don’t we publish the Chistmas letters ourselves.  We could all take a bookbinding workshop, and become a cottage industry.  Then we could offer free Special Edition signed copy of the Christmas Fundraising Letters to everyone who sends us a five hundred dollar check or more?  And we could include a note at the bottom that says – Hey, Mabou Mines is, after all, on a roll.  Mabou Mines DollHouse, after being the hit of the Ibsen Festival in Oslo Norway in August, is going to Festivals at Spoleto, Stuttgart, Barcelona, and  MoMA in Chicago, Wexner Center in Columbus, Strasbourg and UCLA Live.  And a reworked Cara Lucia will follow on a US road trip right on its heels. Gospel at Colonus just finished a spectacular run at the Apollo, The Quantum is going up at the Flea in Feb, Red Beads premieres next fall, and Song for New York will begin work next summer. 

And Sharon, remember to say Merry Christmas and love from us all.